#i am honestly a fucking disgusting mess of louis feelings right now #he doesn’t want to fucking BE harvey #he wants harvey to like him and respect him and think he’s an accomplished and skilled lawyer #he wants mike to like him and think he’s funny and that he’s worth working for/with #he wants jessica to think he’s interesting enough to go to dinner and a play with more than once and someone worthy of being senior partner #and none of them will fucking do it and every time they start — like mike — they fuck it up somehow #and end up hurting him even more in the end of it all#the things he does — they aren’t malicious and self serving all the time #hell i don’t think they’re EVER malicious #it’s just him pulling pigtails because if they won’t notice him the way he wants then he’ll get attention somehow #even negative #and in the end he’s so fucking alone and it isn’t even his fault

